my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
