Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
