I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
