the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
