I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
they need to just BURY HIM!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
