you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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