i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
