So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
