I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
