a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
