i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You don't make any sense
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