Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think your dad took our porno
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
