Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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