Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
