I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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