had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
