new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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