How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
