you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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