i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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