There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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