1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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