Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
