I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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