just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
