When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
