Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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