My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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