no, he came in my armpit
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
