He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
