May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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