Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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