sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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