all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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