You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Couch. On fire.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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