I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
