How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
