I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize