I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
