You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
