the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
