My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
