Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
