i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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