i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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