i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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