Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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