i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
