So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My bed smells like the plague
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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