do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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