I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she pinky promised me she was 18
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
