remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
