oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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