Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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