why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
