I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
