i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
