I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
