are you so shy because you have an std?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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