Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
