I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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