Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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