You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
