Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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