i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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